Sunday, February 7, 2010

Reality Check!

So today I had a HUGE reality check!! It was a good reality check, and just one of those that I really needed at this time.

I guess maybe this week I have been feeling a little bit down in the dumps and throwing a tantrum because the last few months have delivered some pretty unexpected challenges that have been hard to adjust to. I will go into them, specifically to prove my point. 

I have always been one to think that life ends up being the energy that you put out there; for instance, say I really wanted to be somebody who had a great pregnancy and absolutely loved being pregnant, then gave birth naturally without too many complications and then be able to nurse my baby successfully and have my baby be healthy and happy constantly and come with her own schedule, only cry when she needed something and lose all my baby weight quickly plus some extra pounds, and move on with our happy little perfect lives and be so grateful for all the perfect blessings and run into the sunset! Then, if I wanted that to happen, all I would have to do is just do my part in the world and put out that energy, and it would be that way... right?


The reality is, although I really have tried to do my part in the world and put out that energy, I had this terrible rash all over my body towards the end of my pregnancy, itched CONSTANTLY and ENDLESSLY, and pretty much hated being pregnant towards the last part. I ended up having a C section without going through any labor at all. I tried so hard to nurse my baby, but after two long, difficult months, gave up due to my baby having acid reflux and being constantly hungry, but lacking the drive to get out the food the hard way. My baby did not come with her own schedule, like most babies don't, and she hurts quite a bit with her tummy. Now to top it all off, she's teething early and she's been pretty sad this week.


Sometimes it may seem like Heavenly Father is beating me up and one more punch will kill me. But because of this experience, I have the most undying love for this little girl who just so happens to be A BILLION TIMES MORE PERFECT and wonderful than I ever expected!! I would not change our experience for anything, because it has brought us closer together than anything else ever could! Heavenly Father loves us so much, that he is using this experience of me and my baby getting through this "Boot Camp" to teach me how to love more perfectly like he does and to see how endless his love is for us.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I just had this hit home to me today so much that I was sobbing and snorting in the middle of Relief Society! LOVE is what this whole life's journey is about for me, in every sense of the word.

Love: non-judgemental, unconditional, infinite, caring, active, growing love for myself, my sweet Maggie, Nick, our families, friends, My Savior, Heavenly Father, even people I may not even know! 

I honestly feel like Heavenly Father was telling me himself today, that this is the way that he loves his children. Including me, even when going to church and fulfilling callings and such hasn't really been on the top of my priority list since Maggie came, He is loving me even more!

Anyway, I just want everyone to know that I absolutely know that Heavenly Father is real! And I love him! And I am so grateful that I have had the challenges that I do, because now I am that much stronger and am so ready for whatever else He's got to throw at me. After all, if I've made it through this in one piece I will be the best Mommy ever to my baby and the rest of them when they come! :)

1 comment:

Carlie said...

I love how honest you are. way to be girlie. I bet having a new baby is sooooo hard! I can't even imagine! Im so proud of you. You are an example to me. xoxo