Our Little Miracle..

Today I was told that the impossible has become possible! -not only possible, but REALITY!! Scary, yucky feeling, exciting, wonderful, anxious REALITY! And while I would love to say that it doesn't feel real, the nausea, fatigue, HEARTBURN, and dizziness are all very REAL to me, so I am just overtly grateful that there is a good reason for all of this!

This may not seem all that miraculous to the outside eye, but for this girl, at this time it is a very miraculous and beautiful mercy. Here is why.

So I am so blessed to have my little 2 year old, Maggie. I know that I am blessed to have her, and I have intensely adored her from the moment that I heard her little heartbeat. But being pregnant with her totally messed up my body. I really wanted to be one of those "more happy when I am pregnant" people, but it was not the case.  I developed a severe rash, some mutalated form of PUPPS, covering the length and width, and anything in between, of my body. It was so severe that I would scratch till I would BLEED and it never felt better. It was horrible, and I would never wish it upon anybody. I then developed a racing heartbeat and high blood pressure to top that off, and got put on bedrest at 36 weeks. At 39 weeks, at my regular appointment I was not progressing, and with my blood pressure still threatening at a stroke worthy level, my doctor decided to just take Maggie out by C Section. Thinking that the end of my pregnancy signaled the end of my rash, emotional ups and downs, and health issues was not about to be reality.

I dealt with post partum depression, fatigue, cold rashes, and just constantly not feeling well enough to do daily things, let alone take care of a refluxy baby. After many doctors telling me all different things; i.e. "you are depressed, try this!", "you have low thyroid, try this!", even "you are just fine, just read a steamy romance novel!!" (said before I was even finished telling my symptoms!) "you have fibromyalgia and are too stressed out" etc..

PAINFUL!! NO PROGRESS!!

Then, Maggie at 2 years of age, I suddenly stop having periods. At this point I am feeling awefully concerned.  After all, I really wanted to maybe start thinking of another baby soon! No period=No baby! EVER! Very scary!

I finally decided that all this time had gone by still feeling crappy, trying to lose weight and having every single effort thrown in my face, never getting any real answers from these doctors, and now this girly stuff was just all too much! I needed to find someone who would LISTEN to me and ACTUALLY DO THE BLOODWORK that needed to be done, and FIGURE OUT MY PROBLEM!!!

So I was referred to an amazing doctor, Dr. Randy Lundell. (whom I would refer ANYONE dealing with any hormone issues) After scheduling an appointment 2 months out, I found it quite frustrating to wait that long, telling myself that this would be different and turning to the Lord for patience, my appointment finally arrived!

Dr. Lundell was very kind and knowledgable. After LISTENING to my concerns, he helped me to feel like I was not the only one who goes through these kind of things. After all, I am a 22 year old having 40 year old health issues. He helped me to figure out that I was not producing progesterone (the hormone that makes you ovulate) and that my thyroid medicine, the one that I had been on for a year and a half now, was not working properly, and that I have a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. PCOS could make it difficult to get pregnant in the future, but is managable if treated properly.

I was so happy to finally be getting somewhere! Relief was on the way! Wowwy! I deserved it!

Well, after a couple of weeks of being on the progesterone that he put me on, I was supposed to have a period.  After 4 weeks went by with no period I began to be concerned again!

What on earth is wrong with me??? I thought. If this isn't working I must have some sort of cancer, or tumor or something. And then I will NEVER have more babies!! Oh, how I want more babies! I am supposed to be a mommy!! Maggie needs siblings!! I can't do this!! I will take ANY other trial, just not this one!!! I have had ENOUGH of this emotional roller coaster!! Maybe I am not fit to be a mommy to more than one child... I am not good enough... at least I have my Maggie, she is plenty and we will just adopt someday..

So my thoughts went, and I cried and cried to my mommy, and was angry, and scared, and hopeless. I really felt I would go insane.. and then the next day I had a strong feeling to take a pregnancy test.

While I had been taking pregnancy tests quite often this last few months, just to be sure, I most certainly didn't expect anything but one line.. LO AND BEHOLD THERE WERE TWO!! DARK ONES!! I immediately went back for more tests!! 3 more to be exact. and they were all POSITIVE!!! HOW COULD THIS BEEE???

Turns out I really am pregnant!!!! Today was my follow up appointment with Dr. Lundell, a little over one month from when he started me on the new treatment. turns out, he thinks that I am 6-8 weeks along, which means I would have had to already barely be pregnant when I saw him!! Impossible! What a MIRACLE!!!

I know that this is a tender mercy. I know that I probably had to get so down in the dumps that I felt no hope in order to appreciate what was closely approaching. I know that I probably wouldn't have appreciated this if I hadn't been so scared and had my livelihood challenged. All I know is that miracles happen, and if I am writing this experience only for me to look back and see that I had a miracle, then so be it. I LOVE my Heavenly Father, and this experience shows me that he truly does watch for and care for each of us, and that he deeply knows and loves us. He will never forget me, only teach me, and for that I am extraordinarilly grateful.

Nick, Maggie and I truly could not be more elated for this news!! I know that we will get through whatever the future brings us, good or bad, and that we will be so grateful when we get to hold this miracle baby.

SO LONG!!

Yes, I know, it has been too long! And as for my last post; 2011 did NOT make me be a better blogger. But I assure you, I was busy doing many other things! Such as-

Keeping my little Maggie alive!

discovering my parenting style

discovering how to be a parent, and still be ME, and be a WIFE too! (something I'm sure I will be discovering forever)

looking for a home

fixing up our home

moving into our home

feeling yucky

visiting doctors trying to find out why I was feeling yucky

FINALLY figuring out why I was feeling yucky!

strengthening my family relationships

strengthening my relationship with my Heavenly Father

laughing a lot

DANCING a lot

discovering PINTEREST

having to trash my beloved BUBARSU.. :(

replacing it with an Explorer (which I totally love)

NOT having internet!

paying off some debt! (wahoo!!)

camping a lot!

taking a trip to the beautiful OREGON coast!

trying to be happy and live each day to its fullest!

The good news is that I we finally got internet at our home! So.... Maybe this girl will blog every once in a while... Who knows??

...2011...

This year I will be a better blogger...

....maybe...

But I did set some other goals...

1. go to the temple monthly with my Hubby

2. continue strengthening my relationship with my Savior

3. take better pictures, not necessarily more, but just better ones.

4. continue exersizing and stop eating when I am full (duh!)

5. stay positive

6. improve on something each day

7. weekly dates with Hubby

8. always be reading a good book

9. live more providently

Nothing too flashy or difficult because I want to be able to stick to them this time! :)

Here are some things I accomplished in 2010...

-got my esthetics license!

-moved to Springville

-started exersizing!

-lost 8 lbs!

-kept the Magster alive and happy

-discovered solutions to my health speedbumps

-read half of the Book of Mormon on my own

-got closer to My Savior

-strengthened relationships with Hubby, family and friends

Have a great year everyone!!!

I know we will! :)

Someone Got a Good Laugh!!! :)

....and I wish it was ME!

Ha ha ha, oh my!

So, recently I got some new workout DVDs so that I can still get a workout when I wasn't able to go for a walk/run for any reason. I have thought to myself many times, "Oh jeez, what would I do if somebody ever saw me doing my workout?!?!"

....Today was that day!!! HA!....

Picture this; a little cracked open window to a lower level apartment, surely the girl inside thought that nobody would be around to see! Inside there is a chubby little girl with obvious ambition, just dancing her heart out to the cheesiest dance video ever, alone in her living room scattered with toys sweating like a greased pig!!!

All of a sudden I hear girls laughing so hard, but just kept on dancing, wondering what in the world was so funny!

I didn't know whether to feel self conscious about this and go apologize, or just keep up with my routine and any time I see my neighbors, just laugh to myself!! Who the HECK cares!! I don't have anyone to impress besides myself and Heavenly Father!!  So I will just keep it up (and make sure to close my window!!!) and just laugh!!

On that note, I am kinda proud!  I have known for a long time that I really ought to take better care of my body and lose some serious poundage!! I know that Heavenly Father lent me this body trusting me to take care of it, and I really blew it lately and am reaping the consequences!

I found out that I have Fibromyalgia... which basically makes it hard to sleep, and makes me feel like I am sick with bodyaches ALL THE TIME!! Dang, not fun! 

But the good news for me is that i can make it better by exercising and eating better, taking time for myself, and getting good quality sleep. and now i know that it was not all in my head!!

The reason that I am proud is because I REFUSE to allow this to turn me into a vegetable! And I am doing very well! I have been eating 1500 calories a day and working out every single day! Those things truly are helping me feel great!! I know I will have not so good days, but I will for sure get through them!

I truly feel like I am "Defying Gravity" like the song! :) Wish me luck!

My Love Affair with Music!

Along with my sweet Hubby, baby girl, families, and the Gospel, I am also in love with music!

Not just any music though, the kind that talks to you. The kind that can bring tears to your eyes. The beautiful kind! For example, Dave Matthews Band does this to me. As well as Sara Bareilles, Louis Armstrong, Frank Sinatra, Mo Tab, and many others...

Here are some reasons to love music:

-it is compassionate... There is a type of music for every single emotion you could be feeling...

-it cheers you up! Happy music on a not so happy day automatically turns it into a happy day!

-it time travels! ...music can instantly take you back to a past time...

-it speaks your mind! ...lots of times if you have something to tell someone, but can't find the words, there is usually a song that would do the job for you!

-it puts babies to sleep! ...seriously?! can something that does this job be anymore heaven sent?

-it brings the spirit! ...very often, when there are songs sung in church, or even just listening to spiritual music, I find tears in my eyes!

-It helps me to see the world as Heavenly Father does! ...When I don't feel so cute, or feel begrudgingly about any of the things in my life, or in the world, music usually puts a different more eternal perspective on things...

-it motivates and inspires! ...don't feel like working out today? pop in some headphones with a great tune and you're out on your feet in no time! :)

mmmm... I am so grateful for music!

D.I. :)

Oh my, I so love the D.I. & Savers! One of my favorite things is treasure hunting, and finding things that some people might think of as ugly, or even hideous, and them doing my own thing to them and making them beautiful! So very fun! I just got a few new things to do just that to, so pictures will come soon! :)

And the Hobby Lobby in Orem opened!! Wow, that place is amazing! Nick has been talking about building a dollhouse for Mags someday, and I have looked online for kits and such... But they have a bunch of kits and everything to go with them at the Hobby Lobby!! I am so excited! I don't know when we will do that, probably next year sometime because Maggie is not old enough to really enjoy it yet. But it is really exciting to see them actually there! YAY!

Summer 2010 Part 2

It seems like we kinda crammed lots of summer fun into these last couple of months! But boy oh boy have we been LOVING the fall weather so far! :) Fall is by far my favorite time of year. It just seems like there is a different bite to the air that I just can't get enough of! This last week has definitely not been the most productive, and I have certainly wished that Nick could be home with us more, but it has been the COZIEST week ever! Ahhh! On Monday I woke up and made the Hendershot homemade Clam Chowder (which doesn't even taste clammy, just lots of red potatoe deliciousness) so my house smelled SO GREAT all day, especially after I burned my oatmeal cookie candle.. mmm... and I was just so LAZY all day!! and to top it off, Mag was so snuggly! It was almost perfect! The only thing that could have made it better is if Nick could have been home... :(

Anyway, there is my shpeel about coziness... I love it!

This weekend we went to St George like we do every year (except last year because Mag was only 2 weeks old) to see Nick's dad, Lon, run the marathon down there. This year Andy decided to run it with him, which was cool, and Nick's cousin, Emily has also been running it the last three years! It was really fun, and very motivating to see them accomplish such a huge thing! This is Lon's 20th marathon, and 18th St George marathon! There is no way I could run 26.2 miles, let alone in the blistering October St George heat!! Wow, awesome for them for running it! It kinda sucked just waiting for 3 hours in the heat for them to cross the finish line! But then we went shopping and swimming and it was really fun!

*Sidenote- I scored big time with shopping! I got 1 Jacket, 2 hoodies, 5 shirts, a pair of boots, 2 outfits for Maggie, 1 pair of jeans for Nick, and 5 shirts for Nick, all for a little over $100!!! Sweet!!! I am a savvy shopper that's for sure! :)*

A couple weeks ago we were able to go to Strawberry Reservoir to go camping with the Cookie Fam! It was so fun and relaxing! I just let Maggie play in the dirt! She was COVERED from head to toe! It was hilarious to see her so much in her element! We got some of it on video! We spent a lot of good time with my Gramma Ardie and cousins and family! This is when Mag really started to blossom with her walking skills! It was also fun to finally put up our new tent! Nick got it from Walmart randomly one day for $15!! We thought that it would be pretty small for the price, but when I put it up, it is pretty huge! It is a 6 man tent, but holy cow! That was probably the best $15 we've put towards something ever! :)

So here are some pics from August/September! I apologize for the lengthiness!

 

At the new North Park in Spanish Fork. They have this splash pad thing, and I didn't intend to have Mag play in it, but since she showed interest, I decided to just let her play in there in her clothes. We went with my friend, Kate and her daughter who is a little older than Mag, and she played in it too! It was really fun!

After playing in the water.. this is the "stinkbug crawl"! I guess she does this when she doesn't want her knees to get hurt! She doesn't do it too much anymore, now that she is finally getting the hang of walking, but it is great memories!

At my Gramma Ardie's house.. It is so beautiful there, it feels like a vacation just going there.  The view out of her huge back window and off of the deck is breathtaking! That must have been what Maggie was looking at, but her house is right on top of a hill that overlooks the golf course and frames the mountains beautifully.  I so love it! I am going to make it a point to go see her more often! I love my Gramma!

So beautiful!

We went up to Santaquin canyon to have a picknic dinner with the Hendy's and it was delightful! I love the mountains more than I can ever say! I feel so blessed and comforted to know that anywhere in Utah that I am, there is always a mountain getaway in as little as five minutes away! Wow, who wouldn't love that? To me even just looking at the mountains gives me a little recharge in my battery. But especially that crisp, fresh mountain air.. Ahhh.. It's great! I hope I always live in a place with easy access to the mountains! And mountains in the fall steps them up another level!! Holy cow! All the beautiful colors! Heavenly Father is very artistic and creative! I love his masterpieces!

When she is in her stroller, more often than not you will find her feet resting like this on the cupholder! It is so dang cute! She's full of personality that's for sure!

At the Cookie's family reunion! She LOVES Crampa Cookie! He likes to "hypnotize" her by talking nonsense monotone sounds in her ear like so! She loves it!

On Mag's birthday we decided to have a little picnic lunch and discover somewhere new in Hobble Creek canyon. We found this picnic area called Jolley's Ranch, where they have a big open well-kept area with trees and picnic tables! Maggie loves the mountains just as much as Nick and I do! She was having the time of her life! That was the first time she had room to run around and play in the great outdoors.  Other times she has still liked it, but the peacefulness just put her right to sleep!

Big news!! My nephew Christian James was born!! August 13th! Yay! We so love him! He is one snuggly baby! I love him! With the nephews that I have, I have found that I love them so dearly, very closely to how I feel about my own child. It is really fun to have a new baby in the family. Funny thing- Christy and I decided that our babies sometimes get confused and think that we are each other!  I don't know if that makes sense but Christy always had a special way with Maggie, and could calm her down almost just like I could, and it seems to be the same way with Christian, and I remember Jaxon being the same way too! Isn't that crazy!?! They can sense the similarities in us! :)

Mag was exhausted after her birthday fun!

Maggie and her "boyfriend" aka. Uncle Andy. At her Birthday Bash!

The happy birthday partiers! Maggies first birthday party! We had so much fun! It was decorated with pink, purple, green, and yellow! So girly and pretty! We had her party at the Hendy's and had hamburgers and hotdogs and cake! We had lots of friends and family come to celebrate with us! Nick's aunt Cindy and cousin Brittney even came and visited from Vegas! It was really fun!

Mag and Uncle Jeff

My cute sisters, Erin and Karly! Love them to pieces!

We had a seperate little cake for Maggie to terrorize, but when the time came she got TERRIFIED!! She wouldn't even touch it! We tried to coax her and give her a taste, but she was too scared! Nick even put his face in the cake! Then I was silly, and stuck her feet in the cake, and that was THE END!!! She threw a ROYAL TANTRUM!! She was not even consoled with a bath! It was hillarious, and we got it on tape! I have yet to get more pictures from family members but we had a very memorable time!

Moral of the story, my daughter HATES to be dirty! She can't stand slimy feeling goop on her hands, feet, or anything! I even try to feed her dices peaches and bananas and she won't even touch them, she just hates to be slimy! Ha ha, hilarious! Something cute we learned about Mag on her first bithday party! :)

Then she had a great time opening her presents, and of course got royally spoiled! :) I love spoiling her!

Once again in the mountains!! She loves her Daddy! She says Dada now! :) and many other words and babbles I have yet to decipher!

Beautiful!

Loves the swings! :) She always laughs and smiles when she's in them!

Honestly, this time in our lives is so much fun! Maggie brings so much joy into my life I don't know what I would do without Nick and her!! I am also grateful that our family will be together eternally! Wow, what an awesome thing! We are lucky, and I hope that we strive to live worthy of the blessings that we have!